I’ve been cleaning my room (a too rare occurrence this summer!) and found one of my diaries from a few years ago. Paging through it, I found this entry from 2013 when I was trying to decide whether to quit my job and take some time off to explore writing.
I wrote: Being a writer – for some reason I feel embarrassed and unworthy about accepting that as my goal. It seems unlikely and unattainable. It might be a mistake, but deep down I think it is a mistake I want to make.
I remember that uncertainty and insecurity so clearly. And I still feel that way sometimes, but I’m not embarrassed about it being my goal anymore. I don’t know, it’s interesting in a transition time out of being an MFA student to reflect on what changes over time and what stays the same.
When I wrote those words, I thought I was taking three months off to give myself writing time. Now it’s been a little more than three years. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I never would have imagined grad school or living in New York. But it was really this first step in what made all of this happen.
And I really, really like idea of making the mistakes we want to make. I hope I keep making them.